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How to say No without saying No
Create a safe zone for refusal
As a naturally friendly and helpful person saying No is very difficult for me. One trick that I have learnt, though, is not to yes without getting more information first. This way, I can demonstrate that I am willing to help if I can. It also helps me manage my impulsiveness by putting a few barriers between my mouth and my brain.
By asking for more details, you can be sure that you have given thought and consideration whatever your answer. This is particularly helpful at work when you have people asking for your support. You want to be supportive, but you also need to do what you need to do to get through your own day.
One of the things I do is practice asking probing questions in my personal life to fall back into the habit when the stakes are higher.
Requests from your boss can be tough to say no to. It is almost impossible for us to say no when asked to take on a task by our boss. You can help both of you by asking questions. This gives you and them an opportunity to prioritise additional tasks or critical deadlines.
Our bosses are not responsible for our tendency to take on too much. Asking practical questions about what is expected and at the same time letting them know what else you have on helped them to prioritise with you.
Questions that you can practice asking:
How much time do you feel is reasonable for that task?
Is there any flexibility in that timeline?
What will be the downstream implications if I can’t complete it on time?
I currently have task y, which I estimate will take X number of hours. If I take on this task, I will not be able to meet both deadlines. What is your priority between these tasks?
Practice to make permanent
I have a friend who often asks me for favours by saying, ‘please say yes before I ask you to do me this favour.’ Now obviously, this is a joke on her part — I always know I can say no, but we’ve been friends a long time. She knows I’m more than likely to say yes, and it’s infrequent that it’s a big favour. Whilst I laugh, I try never to just say yes. Instead, I nearly always say it depends on what it is. By putting this clarifier in, we both have an out should I need one.
